Death and Desire Death stretches out his fingertips, lips meet mine in lingering kiss... he comes unasked and yet he’s prayed for: Blame and bliss. 2 Won’t you take my hand and enter the gates of a pleasant land? Won’t you forget the customs of the countries we have left behind? Won’t you stop resisting and assist me with your heart and mind? 3 It’s true you said you did not love me ...but you used to call at dawn, each morning in the summer and paused in silence when I questioned, whispering gently you were Friend. You said you didn’t love me but pursued me through the clubs and shadowed me in all the bars my silhouette in moth-dark pubs. How you didn’t love me as your eyes bored into mine not flinching for a moment, those glowing eyes as rich as wine... Yet you told me when you woke I was the first thing on your mind. Such lack of love, that when I’d found another you prowled the outskirts of my love my werewolf brother that saw its prey was slipping and panicking, increased its grip. Or was that the coke the K, the trips? You didn’t love me every time you opened your fears, put yourself on the line; and such a lack of love you showed when we went out dancing, drunk on wine. It wasn’t love that others saw, a passing passion, nothing more for tell me, how could I mistake a thing not even you could fake? Not, it wasn’t love. You always said it wasn’t love, so how could it be dead? How could a nonexistent thing be finished, done and dead? 4 We haven’t talked for just a year but you whisper as I write this, that you are here. Poor brain, poor heart, poor twisted stomach - you believe this incubus you’ve constructed... ...but what... ...but what if... what if you are really here in the microtubules of my mind? And what if I should find...? Say what? ...say love, ...say joy, ...say an end to this madness? I would say - poor mind... whilst thinking I might find a message on my answerphone “Can I come back... just one more time.” 5 I’ll say you’re summer, but it’s winter, I’ll say you’re perfect but the chill here... tells me you have gone and these Winter nights are dark and long. 6 I am lonely and my other self is gone... my other self? No, myself is gone. I am lonely and no longer strong. I want to be weak, I want to rest within your arms and cry the cloudburst that’s been forming, for years upon years I want to drown the world with my collected tears. I want to seek, not be turned away with a nervous laugh. I want to laugh and for once push you away and say no, I never loved you anyway... ...no, I never loved you anyway... 7 I want to put you to rest now, put you to bed, I want to...just move on... ...I just want to move on... but that psychic link between us starts and fits like an untuned engine suggesting I am wrong and had been all along. 8 I thought that it was you, for years I’d thought that it was you, that you had been the cause of the jealousies, inner lawsuits, wars... but if we were two, how could you, alone, be wrong? And how could you inspire my song? And then I saw, I saw it all, saw all, the faults that angered me in you were really mine. Now I feel small. I realise now, it’s only when it’s too late, gone, that I can see tweedledum met tweedledee. What a bitter sweet and Pyrrich victory... A mystery. Ancient history. 9 My long love, my lost mate this understanding came too late: For now I find a year ago you died without me and no one let me know. No one let me know. Such was our fate. Now I must let you go. Too late, too late... |
